4 Season-Adventure

Ramblings 1st girlfriend

I was told once by a friend that sometimes my choice of music defines me as a 15 year old girl in a 35 year old mans body. Lol I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. 

I listen to so many different things, Rammstein, Daft Punk, Metallica, Matrix, Beethoven, you name it I listen to it……my taste of the day usually being defined by my mood, and more often than not my mood being pushed and nudged by the music. 

Taylor Swift, her music though it may all sound the same as I was told, moves me in a way that is best described as a roller coaster ride through my adolescence. Which is about as much fun as a paper cut on that little web of skin between your fingers (ouch). I honestly have no idea how my parents put up with me as a teenager, I was miserable. Even more uncomfortable in my own skin than I am now, which is almost hard to imagine. Even though it hurts a bit, it seems I’m a bit of a masochist in that I really like the roller coaster ride. 

All I ever wanted was a girlfriend, someone to be with, yet I was such a bum, and an odd creature, lol but looking at my friends kids that are now 16-18 years old I wasn’t as different as I thought I was. I was scrawny, disheveled, and pretty much unkempt in every way. Ok so not much has changed since then…..except the scrawny part…..grrrrr….did I mention I hate the gym…..

A girlfriend…..that’s all I could think about, I was lonely as hell, I had no idea what I would do with one……but I wanted one. I watched all my friends have their little teenage romances and I grew more and more miserable. Until I met her. 

We won’t go into the story of her too much, let’s just say it ended with me getting my heart broken, I proposed marriage and about 5 months before we were to get married she left me for another guy. 

I thought it was the end of the world. But she saved both of us from making what would have been the biggest mistakes of both our lives. I would continue on to live the same mistake again, she I think got it right the next time. 

Back to taylor’s music. It takes me back to those roller coaster emotions I used to have, and still do, about all this relationship stuff. I still want that damn fairytale, except now I know it takes a lot more effort than I could ever imagine. So to my friend, yep it seems a 15 year old girl lives in my head sometimes, I don’t mind. I’m glad she’s there and I can feel things like that. I have been told I’m cold, that I don’t feel anything, when in fact sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel anything.